A Familia Christmas
by ilovetvalot
Summary: Written for hxchick and the CCOAC gift exchange. Return to the "In Sickness and In Health" universe and see how the familia celebrates Christmas! CH 4 IS RATED M!
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: Hello! And Happy Holiday Season! First, a huge round of congratulations to each winner in the second annual Profiler's Choice Criminal Minds Awards. Thanks to each of them and all our nominees as well as everyone that took the time to cast a vote! It was a huge success with a 166 unique voters choosing from some fabulous stories! Hopefully next year will be even bigger and better. Winning fics have been posted at "Chit Chat on Author's Corner". Check it out.**

**We also have signups in session through December 31 for our "Resolutions Challenge" for January. Rules and details are also at the forum! Please join us for the challenge that will kickoff the New Year.**

**Also, we're going strong over on FaceBook. We've got some amazing authors and fun threads. To join the fun, simply friend "Ilovetvalot Fanfiction".**

**And as always, thanks to our readers! Your reviews and alerts make our day and we love hearing from you! We don't own a thing, but we sure wish we did.**

* * *

_**This story is written for hxchick for the Christmas Gift Exchange. Her prompts were: Rossi/JJ; The Carol of the Bells, fluffy white snowflakes, Christmas stocking, hot apple cider, Naughty/Nice list, heavily spiked eggnog, It's a Wonderful Life. It is a return to the "In Sickness and In Health" Universe. Sue, I hope you enjoy the walk down Memory Lane.**_

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**A Familia Christmas**

**Chapter One**

As Ben DiLuca stared around the home of the fearless leader of La Familia, he shook his head. Dumbstruck, he couldn't find the fortitude to even begin to voice his opinion on what he was seeing.

"Benny!" David Rossi called merrily from his position on the floor of his living room, surrounded by wrapping paper and boxes that seemed to overflow from every surface. "You made it, Old Man. Come in. Grab some eggnog," he invited, nodding toward the table in the corner. The bowl on the left is heavily spiked for our holiday pleasure," he advised with a wink.

Blinking as he stared at one of the most powerful men on the Eastern Seaboard, Ben shook his head. "Do you realize you've got a red bow on the top of your head, Davey?" he asked gravely. "Not exactly the look we want for La Familia, is it? Tooty fruity won't exactly fly in most of our circle."

Arching one inky eyebrow, Dave frowned. "The kids were helping me wrap JJ's presents," Dave countered as he shrugged, patting at his head. "Marina got a little carried away with the project," he snorted, wincing as he pulled the sticky tape from his hair.

"I can see," Ben agreed, ladling some of the doctored eggnog into a glass. "It looks like Santa's Winter Wonderland threw up in your house," he groused, barely suppressing a shudder as he took a sip of the holiday beverage.

"With an attitude like that, you're about to make the leap for the nice to the naughty list," Dave warned, climbing to his feet as he dusted off his jeans. "Did an elf take a piss in your cornflakes or something this morning?"

"I guess I'm just missing my family," Ben muttered as the sound of a child's laugh drifted into the room. "Although, I think watching your two kids on Christmas morning might take the edge off the ache," he acknowledged with a faint smile. "I still can't believe you and Jennifer are hosting Christmas this year."

"It's what JJ wanted...the whole family together first thing in the morning. And after all the trouble of the past year," Dave sighed, remember the dark days of months past, "there isn't much I won't do to make her happy, Ben. I swear to God, if I have to hijack Santa's sleigh and kidnap that damned jolly elf, she and the kids are going to get the Merry Christmas they deserve."

"Yeah...but all of us? Under one roof? Again?" Ben winced as he drained his egnnog. "I mean, the last time that happened, Emily and Gideon were at each other's throats...you and Jennifer couldn't keep your hands off each other...a psychotic half brother was trying to off you..."

"And now Gideon and Emily are getting married and you'll be happy to know that JJ and I have installed functional locks on each and every door of this house," Dave informed him with an amused smile. "And the psycho is dead. Life is good, Benny. We need to enjoy it," Dave said meaningfully. "Relax, man. Plug in "It's a Wonderful Life" or something," Dave pressed, nodding at the television.

"He doesn't know how to relax," a familiar voice drawled from the doorway. "The word isn't in his vocabulary."

"Christ, it's the Potatohead," Ben muttered darkly, glancing over his shoulder. "I thought you and the Dollface weren't gonna be here until later."

"Nice to see you, too, Ben," Gideon smirked as he ambled into the room. "We decided to try and beat the blizzard here," he remarked easily, leaning against the doorframe.

"Say what about who now?" Ben asked sharply.

"Do you ever watch anything besides ESPN and Nightline? There's a snowstorm moving into DC. It's supposed to hit tonight," Gideon said with a nod at the fluffy white snowflakes falling outside the darkening window.

"I'm about to get snowed in?" Ben yelped, flashing Dave an alarmed look. "With HIM? You didn't mention that little fact when you called me this morning, Davey," Ben grumbled under his breath, stuffing his fist in his pocket.

"Would you catch some Christmas spirit, Ebenezer, before my kids get in here?" Dave retorted with a hard look. "If I don't have a problem with the idea of hijacking Santa, I've got no problem with shoving a Christmas tree up your ass," he warned pointedly.

"It's beginning to sound like Christmas is running amok in this room," another deep voice said, joining the melee. Popping a bourbon ball into his mouth, Eddy Prizzo chomped happily as he clutched the crystal candy bowl to his barrel chest.

Pointing at the newcomer, Ben yelped indignantly, "Hey! Who let him liberate Mama Rossi's bourbon balls?"

"I'm her favorite," Eddie stated smugly, popping another chocolate treat into his mouth.

"I'm her son," Dave growled, lunging for the candy dish. "Gimmee that," he demanded, pulling the holiday candy toward him even as Eddie attempted to hold it out of reach.

"I thought I taught you to share with your friends, my son," Sophia Rossi chided from behind Eddie her lips twitching in amusement as she walked into the room, carrying her own, much larger bowl. "I made enough for everyone to be satisfied," she said as she smiled, dropping the candy on the coffee table. "Jennifer is almost done giving the bambinos their hot apple cider," she told the men. "I advise you all to put on your most festive faces for those children. Else, you deal with me," she stated, shooting an imperious gaze over the room.

"Tell 'em, Mama." Dave nodded, gesturing with a bourbon ball. "Especially that Scrooge," he growled as he pointed toward Ben.

"Don't be too hard on our Benjamin," Sofia admonished, squeezing Ben's arm supportively. "It was not so very long ago that I found you, yourself, sadly lacking any form of holiday cheer, Davey."

"That's ancient history, Mama," Dave assured her, pressing a kiss to his mother's lined cheek.

"Not so distant that I can't remember it," Sofia countered evenly, patting her son's chest.

"Or me," Gideon added knowingly.

"Or me," Eddie agreed, grabbing another bourbon ball.

"I remember the time he threatened to mount Rudolph's antlers ..." Ben began as Henry ran into the room.

"Where, Gramps?" Henry asked eagerly, his eyes wide as he caught Ben's statement.

"Daddy's gonna kill Wudolph," Marina whimpered from the doorway, her dark eyes filling with tears as her gaze narrowed on her father.

"Thanks for that, asshole," Dave growled under his breath as he hurried toward his little girl. "Of course not, Princess. Daddy just wanted to groom that Reindeer so he looked his Christmas best that year," he assured her, lifting his baby into his arms and pressing a kiss to her flushed cheek as he shot a warning look at the others as they choked on their laughter. "Rudolph and his antlers are just fine."

"You didn't mess with his nose, did ya, Daddy?" Henry asked worriedly, tugging on Dave's jeans. "'cause that's how he finds his way."

"His nose is perfect, kiddo," Dave nodded solemnly, pulling his son close.

"Rudolph's nose might be okay, but your wife's is lookin' a little out of joint," Ben said, nodding over Dave's shoulder toward the doorway. "Jenny, whatever it is, I had nothing to do with it," he declared innocently.

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**Please let me know what you think!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: Hello! And Happy Holiday Season! First, a huge round of congratulations to each winner in the second annual Profiler's Choice Criminal Minds Awards. Thanks to each of them and all our nominees as well as everyone that took the time to cast a vote! It was a huge success with a 166 unique voters choosing from some fabulous stories! Hopefully next year will be even bigger and better. Winning fics have been posted at "Chit Chat on Author's Corner". Check it out.**

**We also have signups in session through December 31 for our "Resolutions Challenge" for January. Rules and details are also at the forum! Please join us for the challenge that will kickoff the New Year.**

**Also, we're going strong over on FaceBook. We've got some amazing authors and fun threads. To join the fun, simply friend "Ilovetvalot Fanfiction".**

**And as always, thanks to our readers! Your reviews and alerts make our day and we love hearing from you! We don't own a thing, but we sure wish we did.**

* * *

**A Familia Christmas**

**Chapter Two**

Glancing over his shoulder, Dave frowned as he noted the grim set of his wife's mouth and her darkened eyes. Setting Marina back on her sturdy feet, he turned slowly, well aware of the mercurial moods that his wife was capable of and determined not to let anyone ruin their Christmas season. "Bella? What's wrong?"

"Is there any particular reason we just received seven coolers of dead fish at the back door?" JJ asked sharply as the front door to their home opened. Ignoring the interruption, she added, her voice rising an octave, "Tell me this isn't another way that one of those damn mafia wars begin, David!"

"Familia," Dave, Ben, Eddy and Mama Rossi corrected in unison.

"Whatever," JJ replied tartly, rolling her eyes as she lifted her hands in exasperation. "Just tell me that this family is NOT headed back to war on the day before Christmas with some guy named Anton Bertalucci!" she demanded, her voice rising on every word.

"Typically, it's a horse that is sacrificed in the mafiaso. The Godfather had that right," Spencer Reid said as he slipped into the room, followed by the rest of the BAU team.

"First, we are not mafiaso," Dave growled, glaring at Reid before he turned back to his obviously disgruntled wife. "Second, I don't know anything about any fish, Bella. Don Bertalucci is our Sicilian counterpart, but he's no enemy of mine or the Family's," Dave assured JJ firmly. "Mama, you know anything about this?" he asked over his shoulder.

Stepping quickly forward as her daughter-in-law narrowed suspicious eyes on her husband, Sofia raised a hand. "'Tis nothing, my child," she assured as she shook her head. "That delivery was supposed to be made to my house."

"You're cooking fish for Christmas, Mama?" JJ asked in confusion as she turned to face her diminutive mother-in-law.

Smiling benignly, Sofia shook her head. "No, bambina. Don Bertalucci is from the Old County. It is ancient Italian Christmas Eve tradition. He sends the same package every year. It is no sign of trouble, but rather an offering of continued peace."

"The Feast of the Seven Fishes?" Reid asked Mama eagerly, almost rubbing his hands together as he stepped forward.

"Ah, yes, Spencer." Mama smiled, patting the younger man's cheek as she passed. "You know of it?"

"Yes, ma'am. It is also known as the Vigil, isn't it?" Spencer asked, nodding rapidly as he followed the older woman.

"Very good," Sofia praised as she nodded. Turning to JJ, she explained, "It's a tradition that Old World Roman Catholics observe to commemorate the long wait for the birth of our Savior. Hence, The Vigil. In the old days, Catholics would abstain from milk and meat products on the high holy days. They ate fish instead. Seven different kinds to observe the seven sacraments."

Letting out a sigh, JJ smiled tiredly as she said, "That would explain the smorgasbord on my back porch."

"Cod, shrimp, eel, calamari, scallops, anchovies, and Baccala," Reid recited, counting off the various seafood choices on his lean fingers. "Am I close?"

"The freaking kid's mind is like Google, isn't it?" Ben murmured as Gideon lifted Marina in his arms.

"It is," Gideon agreed with a faint smile as he brushed his lips against Marina's temple.

"He's a gee-nus, Pappy," Marina informed her quasi-grandfather with certainty as she nodded her head at her Uncle.

Ben winked, taking her from Gideon's arms as she held out her arms. "I guess he is, Peanut."

JJ snorted as she crossed her arms over her chest. "Well, the genius can help the he-men carry the Familia version of SeaWorld down to Mama's before something starts swimming around in my kitchen."

Henry pushed his way through the grown-ups' legs just then, his eyes lighting up as he heard his mother's words. "SeaWorld? You got me SeaWorld for Christmas? Cool!" Tugging on his mother's sleeve, he begged, "Can we set it up now? I wanna see the fishes!"

Pushing her hair out of her face as she threw a glare in her husband's direction, JJ knelt down in front of her son. "Honey, the types of fishes that we have aren't exactly going to be performing any tricks soon. One of Daddy's business friends sent them to Nonna, and they're going to be moving right down to Nonna's house soon."

Wrinkling his small nose in an exact imitation of his mother's well-known expression, Henry propped his hands on his small hips. "Then I go to Nonna's, too! I play with the fishes in the bathtub!"

"Oh, no, my little elf," Penelope Garcia trilled as she shook her head, "It's my turn to supervise that little swim tonight. And afterward, Auntie Garcie got you some special jammies to wear for Christmas morning. You, my lovable lamb," she said, touching Marina's nose, "are going to be Cindy Lou Hoo. And you, Handsome," she grinned, dropping a hand on Henry's head, "get to be the Grinch."

Rossi smirked, looking over his shoulder. "You sure you don't have a pair of those jammies for Benny?"

"You are soooo lucky these kids are in the room," Ben grunted, nodding to Rudy as he walked into the room.

"Awwww!" Garcia grinned, pinching Ben's fleshy jowl playfully, "Does some big, gwumpy Italian need to embrace his inner Santa?"

Chuckling, Derek Morgan eased his arm around Penelope's waist, drawing her back against his chest as Ben's face turned beet red. "Now, Mama...we don't assault the former hit men," he reminded her, winking at Ben.

"I did not hear that," Aaron Hotchner groaned, glaring at his colleague as he rubbed his hand over his jaw. "And you didn't say it."

"What's a hit man, Gramps?" Henry asked curiously as JJ's mouth open and closed and her eyes widened.

"And on that note," Dave declared loudly, stepping quickly in front of JJ before she could lunge toward Morgan, "I think it's time to get the Christmas Eve evening rolling. Benny, Morgan, Eddy, Gid...you guys carry the fish down to Mama's. Penelope, you're on bath patrol with the munchkins. Em, Aaron, JJ and I will make sure all of Santa's elves are working the assembly line. Reid, you're in charge of reading the kids their bedtime story."

"The Night Before Cwistmas," Marina shouted happily, clapping her pudgy fingers together as she squealed.

"That's right, Princess," Dave said cheerfully as he winked at his daughter. "And Mama, Rudy is going to escort you to midnight mass."

"Wonderful," Mama agreed, pulling her house key from her pocket and passing it to Eddy. "Until then, I will be at my house baking if anyone needs me. I'll see you all in the morning," she smiled, dropping kisses on each of her grandchildren's heads.

"Alright, people," Dave announced, clapping his hands together. "Santa's got a schedule to keep or else he's sleepin' with his reindeer tonight," he added as he grinned at his beautiful wife. "Let's move."

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_**So, another chapter...do you all like it so far?**_


	3. Chapter 3

_Author's Note: Hello! Chit Chat on Author's Corner forum have signups in session through December 31 for our "Resolutions Challenge" for January. Rules and details are also at the forum! Please join us for the challenge that will kickoff the New Year._

_Also, we're going strong over on FaceBook. We've got some amazing authors and fun threads. To join the fun, simply friend "Ilovetvalot Fanfiction". There's loads of fun to be had by all. Join us._

_A special note to my readers...as Christmas draws nearer, so does my husband's return from the war zone in Afghanistan. This said, posts will be slowing DRAMATICALLY after the holiday. Bear with me. Slower updates are expected to last approximately a month. But, real life and a family reconnection will take precedence. I'm sure you all understand. But, take heart, a happy hubby makes an energetic writer._

_And as always, thanks to our readers! Your reviews and alerts make our day and we love hearing from you! We don't own a thing, but we sure wish we did._

* * *

**A Familia Christmas**

**Chapter Three**

Yawning widely as he closed the door to their bedroom several hours later, Dave met his wife's eyes. "Okay, Bella," he declared as nodded once, "The Christmas Elf Assembly Line is officially closed until next year."

"You got it all done?" JJ asked with a serene smile as she leaned back against her pillow.

"Of course I did...well, we did," Dave amended grudgingly. It had taken six grown men, but somehow they had pieced together a bike, a scooter, a Princess big wheel, a dollhouse, and a mini-fort in the back yard.

He was wiped. Worn out. Ready to call it quits for the night and maybe the rest of the entire year.

Or, at least he'd thought he was kaput...right up until JJ threw off the bedspread covering her to the end of the bed.

"Well, ho, ho, hoooo," Dave breathed as his eyes took in the vision in red sitting in his bed.

"Merry Christmas," JJ laughed, smoothing her hand against the red lace teddy molded to her body. "I thought Santa might enjoy stuffing something a little more fun than a stocking tonight," she offered saucily, flipping her long blonde hair over her bare shoulder. "Mrs. Claus was beginning to feel pretty lonesome up here all alone in this bed," she sighed, patting the empty mattress beside her.

Dave grinned as he watched her beautiful breasts rise and fall with her simple movements. "That was awfully inconsiderate of Mr. Claus to allow that to happen, now wasn't it?" Taking a determined step forward, he started to unbutton his shirt. "So tell me, Jennifer, are you on Santa's naughty or nice list this year?"

"Oh, I've been a very good girl," JJ murmured, her eyebrow arching as her husband dropped his shirt to the floor, his footsteps measured and sure as he stalked toward their bed.

"That's too bad," Dave answered as he dropped his arms around her, pinning her to the bed, "'cause the things I've got in mind for us will definitely put you on Santa's naughty list."

"I think I can live with the fall from grace," JJ giggled as she shifted in the cage of her husband's arms. "That is, if my own personal Santa will make it worth my while."

Nuzzling the curve of her neck, Dave smiled wolfishly. "Oh, honey, you oughta see the tricks in Santa's bag this year." Hearing her giggle and squirm against him, he lifted his head, drawing back to stare down into her happy eyes. "But, in the interest of fairness, I did tell you that there wasn't anything I wouldn't do to see you happy this Christmas. Name it and it's yours, Bella."

Curving her arms around his neck, JJ sighed as she stared into his dark eyes, so much love reflected in his gaze that it stole her breath. Instinctively, she knew he meant every word he spoke. Dave had already proven again and again that there was nothing he would do for his family...and he'd employ whatever means necessary to do it. Sometimes she hated that about him...his penchant for playing dirty pool to get what he wanted. But, more often than not,...especially as time went on and they moved further and further away from the tragedies of the past...it was one of the things she loved most about him, too.

Licking her lower lip, she tilted her head and inhaled deeply. "Well, it's just a little thing really," she began innocently, blinking slowly up at him.

"Tell me," he urged softly, his larger body settling over hers, balancing on his elbows.

"I want a wedding," JJ replied simply, her body shifting to welcome his weight.

Confusion flashed in Dave's eyes as he looked down at her. "A wedding?" he echoed, perplexed. "Did you say a wedding?"

JJ nodded quickly. "Uh huh."

"Bella, unless Jimmy managed to pull of the Catholic con job of the century, we're very much married in the eyes of both God and the state of Virginia. I'm pretty sure I've got a piece of paper around here somewhere that proves it and everything," Dave offered slowly. Was it possible his wife had fallen and hit her head tonight when he hadn't been looking?

Rolling her eyes, JJ shook her head. "Not for us, Dave," she explained, her tone much the same as the one she used for convincing her toddlers to listen to her. "For Emily and Gideon."

"Huh?" Dave grunted, rolling to his side and propping his head on his hand. "You want Em and Gid to get married? Here? Tomorrow?"

"On Christmas Day," JJ explained as she nodded eagerly. "It's perfect, Dave. Everybody that matters is already here. The entire family is going to be gathered under one roof. What better time can there be?"

"Jen, baby..." Dave began, shaking his head.

"No, just listen," she interrupted, sliding her hand against his hairy chest. "Emily, Garcia and I already worked everything out..."

"...so, that's what the hen party in the kitchen was about tonight? Jeez, I thought Garcia was gonna decapitate me with that apple in her hand when I walked in there to get a drink of water tonight," Dave grumbled, reaching back to adjust a pillow behind her head.

"Well, Emily was trying to keep what she wanted a secret from Jason and you aren't exactly known for your tact," JJ said defensively, lifting one shoulder in a helpless gesture.

"I can keep a secret when I want to," Dave muttered.

Eyes flashing briefly, JJ snorted. "Don't I know it. But Emily was afraid you'd go blabbing to Jason if we didn't keep you in the dark until the last minute. She's been hedging about the wedding date...trying to schedule it around the Ambassador...and, well, it's impossible. She knew she was driving Jason insane. And, honestly, they both want the marriage more than a fancy society affair. So, she decided a few weeks ago that Christmas would be perfect. We have the dress and the flowers. The food is already made for Christmas...and we thought that one little phone call to Jimmy and..."

Dave shook his head with a grimace. "Babe, Jimmy went to Baltimore to see his sister for the holidays."

"Then just call him and get a referral," JJ returned easily, arching one brow. "It shouldn't be that hard, should it?"

"Bella," Dave cringed, sliding his fingers around her neck and massaging gently, "You don't understand. How do I explain this?" he asked aloud, staring at the ceiling of their bedroom. "For a priest, Christmas Day is like Daytona Beach to a frat boy on spring break. If you want their attention, you gotta get in line in August. At least."

"Are you serious?" JJ balked, stiffening beside him in bed as she pinched the skin around his shoulder. "Your mother lights a candle five nights a week, David! Are you telling me that she doesn't have any connections?" she asked indignantly, jerking up in bed.

"Yeah," Dave admitted slowly as he nodded. "Jimmy! And I could call him...and I'm betting he'd even come back for us, but with the snow falling outside..." Dave said, the words falling reluctantly off his lips as his eyes drifted toward the window glazed in ice.

"He'd never make it," JJ sighed heavily as she flopped back against the headboard. "Crap," she said succinctly.

Where was her Christmas miracle when she needed it?

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_**I hope everyone is still enjoying this trip back in time with the Familia. Drop a review if you have time!**_


	4. Chapter 4

**_Author's Note: Hello! Chit Chat on Author's Corner forum have signups in session through December 31 for our "Resolutions Challenge" for January. Rules and details are also at the forum! Please join us for the challenge that will kickoff the New Year._**

**_Also, we're going strong over on FaceBook. We've got some amazing authors and fun threads. To join the fun, simply friend "Ilovetvalot Fanfiction". There's loads of fun to be had by all. Join us._**

**_A special note to my readers...as Christmas draws nearer, so does my husband's return from the war zone in Afghanistan. This said, posts will be slowing DRAMATICALLY after the holiday. Bear with me. Slower updates are expected to last approximately a month. But, real life and a family reconnection will take precedence. I'm sure you all understand. But, take heart, a happy hubby makes an energetic writer._**

**_And as always, thanks to our readers! Your reviews and alerts make our day and we love hearing from you! We don't own a thing, but we sure wish we did._**

* * *

**A Familia Christmas**

**Chapter Four**

Seeing the disappointment blanketing his wife's face, Dave's heart and gut simultaneously clenched. Hell, he'd promised her a Merry Christmas. And unlike his former wives, she didn't want what his money could buy her.

Not jewels or gadgets. Not clothes or houses. Not vacations or spa weekends.

No. Not her. Not his beautiful, infuriating, stubborn Jennifer.

She wanted something money couldn't buy.

And usually, he adored that fact. Tonight, it was nothing but a thorn in his ass.

A freaking priest!

And she hadn't even been Catholic before he'd married her!

Running a hand over his face, he tried to stifle his groan. "Does it have to be a man of the cloth?" Dave mumbled into his palm, unable to believe what he was about to offer to do, his mind searching furiously for some other alternative. Obviously he had imbibed one too many adult beverages to even be considering this very thing.

"What?" JJ asked absently, unable to believe that she hadn't planned for this potential problem. She planned for everything. How had she missed this? She'd had a detailed list and everything. She was the queen of the well organized plan, and she had the medals to prove it!

"Does it have to be a Priest that marries the happy couple? I mean, Gid's Protestant. Is Emily's heart set on a Priest?" Dave asked huskily as he glanced down at her loosened bodice, reminding himself that now was not the time to get distracted by his wife's luscious breasts...even if they were threatening to spill over the cups of her teddy.

"Well," JJ mused, her face scrunched as she contemplated the question, arching toward him, "I don't think so. We even tossed around the idea of having Reid ordained and letting him do the...wait," she said suddenly, narrowing her eyes on her older husband suspiciously. "Why? Do you have another option?"

"I got ordained back in college," Dave muttered under his breath, hesitant to reveal the truth to the woman beside him. Because he knew where this was going...mainly with him trussed up like the Christmas turkey marrying two of his friends. And man, he didn't want the blame if THAT marriage headed south. "One of my roomies had me perform a quickie wedding for him and his knocked up girlfriend."

"So, you could..." JJ began eagerly as she jerked upright, grabbing his arm and shaking it. "You could do this!"

Watching her gorgeous firm breasts bounce excitedly, Dave felt his body respond accordingly. "I'm no man of God, Bella. But, I guess I could do in a pinch...for the right price," he added, his wicked voice dropping an octave as he openly stared at her lush curves now.

Seeing the telltale glimmer in her husband's eyes, JJ rolled on her side, lifting her leg and quickly straddling the man beside her. "Ah, so you're open to negotiations," she drawled, dropping her head to press a kiss to his neck.

"No," Dave denied as he lifted one hand and buried it in her silky long head, "but outright bribery might work. What have you got to offer, Mrs. Rossi? My Christmas favors don't come cheap and this one is big 'un."

"It certainly is," JJ giggled, rolling her hips to brush the proof of his interest against her.

Curling his hands around her hips, Dave dropped one hand to pinch her bottom playfully. "Smartass," he growled against her lips before kissing her deeply, their bodies melting together as she enthusiastically responded to his touch.

Groaning as she sank bonelessly against him, Dave's grip tightened around her. No matter how many times they came together, each encounter seemed more intense than the last. He'd learned every nook, cranny, hill and valley of her body and she knew his equally well. But every time his hands wandered in exploration, he never failed to become lost in her...her sighs...her moans...the way her body arched against his.

"David, yes," she sighed against his lips as his hands began to roam over her, lightly at first and then with more and more purpose. Feeling his hands slide around the globes of her bottom and press her against him, she broke their kiss. "So, have I gained your cooperation yet?" she asked huskily, her body tingling where his insistent arousal nestled against her.

Licking his lips as he stared down at the creamy cleavage hovering just above his lips, he smiled. "You're getting hotter," he murmured deeply, slowly sliding his mouth over the swell of her breasts, his tongue dragging against the edge of the scalloped lace. "But you're gonna have to up the ante for me, sweetheart."

Lifting away from his body, JJ smiled naughtily. "Is that so?" she asked as her ass settled heavily against his groin and she reached behind her for the zipper of her teddy, slowly pulling it down as her husband's eyes glittered.

Mouth going dry as the lacy material fell down JJ's waist, her milky skin was slowly exposed to his warm gaze. "Beautiful," he rasped, lifting his hands to reverently weight the firm flesh of her breasts in his hands. Two wonderful kids later and her body still amazed and delighted him.

"Mmmm," JJ hummed breathily as his calloused thumbs brushed her swollen nipples lightly. Her fingernails scraped sensually along the hard muscular plane of his chest as he shifted up to take one tight peak between his lips, suckling gently as his hand kept her other breast busy, palming the flesh and squeezing gently.

Hooking her fingers around the waist of his jeans, JJ smiled as he bucked unconsciously against her busy hand. Popping the button quickly, she slid the zipper down as he lifted his hips, dropping one hand from her body to help her push the denim down his legs.

"Festive as it is," Dave mumbled around her breast as his hands tugged desperately at the lace still shielding her, "we need to get you out of this thing. I wanna touch you," he growled, stroking her through the material currently hampering his fun.

Giggling as her husband groaned again while pulling ineffectually at the fabric, JJ brushed his hand aside and reached between her legs to release the snaps at her crotch. "Easy access," she whispered against his ear.

"My favorite kind," Dave sighed appreciatively as his hand found her center, stroking his fingers against her swollen folds. "You could have told me about that," he grumbled, pressing kisses to her neck...her ear...her cheek as his fingers slid into her, testing her readiness.

"Then I couldn't have watched you fumble around like a horny teenager," JJ replied mischievously, gasping as she felt him penetrate her, her channel stretching to accommodate his gentle intrusion.

"Not fumbling now, am I?" Dave returned smugly with a satisfied grin as he watched her head fall back on her shoulders.

Writhing against his talented hand, JJ's nails dug into Dave's shoulders as his thumb brushed the sensitive bud nestled at the apex of her core. "Ahhh," JJ moaned as she shuddered. "No, not fumbling now," she panted as his calculated movements quickened, sending shards of pleasure skittering down her spine. "Dave!" she shouted hoarsely, rocking her hips as he tortured her with slow, methodical passes of his thumb over her most sensitive bundle of nerves.

"Shhhh," Dave hushed her. "Have you forgotten about the houseful of people you invited over here?" he teased, biting her collarbone gently as he rotated his fingers inside her, pulling a needy whimper from her lips.

Pausing in the act of wriggling against him, she glanced over her shoulder. "Tell me you..."

"Locked the door?" he chuckled, taking advantage of her temporary distraction to flip her to her back. "I learned my lesson the last time, Bella. We won't be giving any of the Three Stooges a floor show tonight," he promised as he loomed over her.

"Good," JJ sighed, relaxing into the mattress as Dave lowered his head, claiming her lips in another torrid, sinful kiss. Moaning into his mouth as his body probed hers, she lifted her hips, arching in silent invitation.

Entering her slowly as their tongues mated hungrily, Dave growled as he felt JJ's legs lift and surround his waist. "Yes," he hissed against her cheek as he sank deeper into her velvety warmth, "That's it, Bella." Hips rising and falling, he set a slow, satisfying rhythm for both of them as his body plunged smoothly into hers, drawing satisfied whimpers from her lips as their bodies collided, meshing into a perfect union of souls.

Quickly, however, he felt his determination to draw out the moment waver as her hands and lips urged him onward, silently demanding all the delights that he could offer.

"Dave!" JJ moaned, he hollow ache within her growing as her body responded to his growing wetter...hotter as her channel embraced him...straining toward the release she needed. "God, don't stop," she gasped against his throat.

"So hot and tight," he grunted, his head lifting to look down at where their bodies met, the image fueling his appetite for his wife's body. She was a craving...and addiction that he never quite managed to quench. And God, he never wanted to anyway.

He could feel her body coiling, drawing tauter with every roll of his hips. "That's it, baby," he whispered as her lips met his, her tongue wicked as it swirled around his in their own intimate dance. "I love you," he breathed as he felt her tense beneath him, her sweet walls contracting around him in a silky vice that he swore would one day render him unto the Pearly Gates.

"Yes," JJ screamed weakly against his chest, biting his shoulder to squelch her screams of ecstasy as she convulsed in his arms.

Growling low in his throat as her release slammed into her, Dave became lost in sensation, his body moving wildly above hers as he found his own pleasure in her arms. Collapsing over her a few moments later, his breathing hard, he felt her press a soft kiss to the corner of his mouth.

"I love you, too," she whispered softly as her hands moved slowly against his sweaty back, soothing him.

Smiling weakly, he inhaled deeply. God, he loved making love to her...but, honestly, this part...when her hands were petting him and her lips pressed tiny kisses to his shoulder and neck as they held each other cocooned in one another's arms...these might be his favorite moments in her arms.

"So," JJ yawned as he finally rolled to stretch out beside her, "was my bribe sufficient to earn that wedding?" she asked weakly, pillowing her sleepy head on his chest.

"Sweetheart, if you want the sun and the moon, I'll find a way to give it to you," Dave murmured , smiling into her hair as she snuggled contentedly against him.

And as JJ closed her heavy eyes, she released her breath as she melted against his warm body and smiled.

* * *

_**So, this is the ONLY "M" rated chapter planned for this fic. Did you enjoy it?**_


	5. Chapter 5

**_Author's Note: Hello! Chit Chat on Author's Corner forum have signups in session through December 31 for our "Resolutions Challenge" for January. Rules and details are also at the forum! Please join us for the challenge that will kickoff the New Year._**

**_Also, we're going strong over on FaceBook. We've got some amazing authors and fun threads. To join the fun, simply friend "Ilovetvalot Fanfiction". There's loads of fun to be had by all. Join us._**

**_A special note to my readers...as Christmas draws nearer, so does my husband's return from the war zone in Afghanistan. This said, posts will be slowing DRAMATICALLY after the holiday. Bear with me. Slower updates are expected to last approximately a month. But, real life and a family reconnection will take precedence. I'm sure you all understand. But, take heart, a happy hubby makes an energetic writer._**

**_And as always, thanks to our readers! Your reviews and alerts make our day and we love hearing from you! We don't own a thing, but we sure wish we did._**

**A Familia Christmas**

**Chapter Five**

Christmas morning dawned sunny and clear, the snow having trickled to a stop somewhere around dawn. And now, as he stared out his foggy bay window in the study, surrounded by his giggling children, radiant wife and gaggle of misfits that JJ insisted he refer to as family, he felt a sense of peace flood his soul.

Blinking against the glare of the sun hitting the snow, his eyes filled with uncharacteristic tears as he felt a pair of familiar slim arms slip around him from behind. Smile widening, he linked his fingers with JJ's and leaned back against her.

"Whatcha thinkin', standing over here all by yourself?" JJ asked softly, resting her head against his shoulder as she gazed out the window. "You got awfully quiet. Makes me nervous," she chided him lightly.

Chuckling softly, he turned and drew JJ against his side. "I was thinking how much I wish Gino had lived to see this," he told her honestly, his voice wistful as he spoke of his biological father...the onetime head of La Familia. "This would have thrilled him. Having the entire family under one roof like this. Grandchildren laughing and playing. Mama looking overjoyed. It would have been his kind of party, Bella."

"Maybe he is watching," JJ replied softly, leaning her head against his chest. "I like to think my brother is," she murmured, her voice equally thoughtful. "One day we'll all be together again," she sighed.

"Hopefully, not for many, many years," Dave rumbled against her hair. "We've got a lot of living left to do here in this world before we think about the next. But, I do miss him. I think you would have loved him."

"Well, since I love you, I'd say that's a safe bed," JJ agreed. "Mama says you made him proud in life. He'd have been beyond satisfied at the way your life turned out now, don't you think?"

"I think he'd be overjoyed," Dave smiled, looking over his shoulder to where his kids crawled all over the guests, their faces glowing and excited. "He was a big believer in family. Look at them, Bella," he whispered, nodding toward his kids. "We did that."

Resting her head on his chest, JJ nodded as her throat tightened. "Yes, we did," she nodded as she watched Henry tear the holiday paper off another gift Spencer put in his hand, throwing the box over his shoulder and smacking Morgan in the face as Gideon held him. And Marina sat serenely in Ben's arms, her head resting against his neck as she jabbered to the new baby doll Emily had given her. Her babies were blessed. More aunts, uncles and grandparents to love them than most children ever imagined. And a father that would - and had - killed for their safety...for her safety. Lifting her head, JJ caressed Dave's whiskered cheek. "I love you."

"I love you, too," he replied, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "I haven't given you your gift yet," he winked, drawing a long thin box from the inside of his suit jacket.

"Dave, you didn't need to..."

"Don't start, Bella," Dave rolled his eyes as he curved his hands around her hips and drew her closer. "It's Christmas. I'm allowed to spoil you and the kids on Christmas," he stated reasonably.

"Your gift is under the tree," JJ murmured worriedly, looking toward the towering fir tree in the corner. "Let me just..."

"Later," Dave replied, tightening his hands on her hips. "Besides," he said, keeping his voice low as he nuzzled her cheek, his warm breath washing against her skin, "you gave me exactly what I wanted last night," he continued wickedly. "The only gift I want is a repeat performance tonight."

"Stop that," JJ giggled, pinching his arm as one hand moved to squeeze the cheek of her bottom suggestively. "The family is watching," she said, shooting the group a quick look.

"Yeah, we are. And none of us are deaf," Ben called back. "By the way, if I'm stayin' tonight I wanna change rooms with somebody. I got stuck next to their bedroom and believe me, folks, their room needs to come with a triple X rating."

"Ben!" JJ gasped, her eyes widening as a blush climbed on her cheeks.

"What?" Ben retorted dryly.

"Don't worry about it, Blondie." Gideon shrugged, nudging Ben in the ribs with his elbow. "He's just jealous that HE didn't have a roomie last night."

Eyes shooting to her children, JJ was relieved to see that they were happily oblivious to the conversation, totally enamored of their new toys.

"I did meet a lovely widow at midnight mass last night, Benjamin," Mama Rossi said sagely. "I could..."

"No thank you," Ben declared adamantly, glancing over at the woman that he had known almost all of his life. "I'm quite happy being a cranky old bachelor," he stated, shuddering at the prospect of another marriage. His sainted wife had been his one and only. All others would be a pale imitation of the love he'd known.

Smiling, JJ turned her eyes back to the gift in her hands, tearing the festive paper off with trembling hands and dropping it to the floor beside her. Cracking the lid on the box, she gasped. "It's a locket," she breathed, picking up the silver antique locket up in her hands, its chain heavy.

"Open it," Dave requested, watching her face as she split the heart.

"Oh," JJ sighed shakily as her eyes misted with tears. On one side was a picture of her and Dave on their wedding day. On the opposite side was a picture of Marina and Henry on the day she was born. "I love it, Dave," she whispered shakily as he thumbed away a tear that had fallen against her cheek. "Put it on me," she demanded eagerly, holding out the necklace and turning quickly, sweeping her long hair up into her hand.

Laughing softly, Dave looped the locket around her elegant throat and dropped a kiss against the nape of her neck as he secured the clasp. "I'm glad you like it, Bella."

"It's perfect," JJ beamed, turning in his arms. "How does it look?"

Staring down at the silver heart nestled between her breasts, Dave's eyes gleamed. "Oh, those always look good enough to eat to me."

Smacking his arm, JJ pressed her mouth to his as a chorus of "Get a room!" was unleashed from behind them.

"I don't think anybody cares that it happens to be MY house," Dave grumbled against her lips, his hands gripping her hips.

"That's a triviality." JJ giggled, finally pulling away as Penelope turned on the stereo in the corner, clearing her throat loudly as "Carol of the Bells" began softly. "There's our cue," she whispered.

Sighing heavily, Dave rested his forehead against hers. "You sure that Em really wants to marry that jackass?"

"That jackass is one of your best friends," she laughed, watching over his shoulder as Garcia and Emily slipped out of the room and headed upstairs. "I've got to go. Keep everybody busy down here," JJ whispered, pressing a quick kiss to his lips before hurrying after her friends.

_**So, here's the fifth chapter. What do you think?**_


	6. Chapter 6

**_Author's Note: Hello! Chit Chat on Author's Corner forum have signups in session through December 31 for our "Resolutions Challenge" for January. Rules and details are also at the forum! Please join us for the challenge that will kickoff the New Year._**

**_Also, we're going strong over on FaceBook. We've got some amazing authors and fun threads. To join the fun, simply friend "Ilovetvalot Fanfiction". There's loads of fun to be had by all. Join us._**

**_A special note to my readers...as Christmas draws nearer, so does my husband's return from the war zone in Afghanistan. This said, posts will be slowing DRAMATICALLY after the holiday. Bear with me. Slower updates are expected to last approximately a month. But, real life and a family reconnection will take precedence. I'm sure you all understand. But, take heart, a happy hubby makes an energetic writer._**

**_And as always, thanks to our readers! Your reviews and alerts make our day and we love hearing from you! We don't own a thing, but we sure wish we did._**

* * *

**A Familia Christmas**

**Chapter Six**

As his wife made her quick escape, Dave growled under his breath as he saw his long-time friend make his way across the room. Forcing himself to hold back the curse words that were threatening to escape, he met Gideon's eyes and even managed to smile genially. After all, he was the host. And he had a feeling that if he spilled the beans, his Jennifer would have no problem whatsoever having Santa Claus and all the reindeer trample him at any given moment. And honestly, the last thing he wanted to spend his Christmas doing was having some proctologist remove the antlers embedded in his ass.

"What's going on, old man?" Gideon demanded as he stepped up next to Rossi. "You got that same look in your eye that you did when Reid tried to get you to wear an elf hat and be a part of the Christmas story he was reading to Marina."

"Get your stories straight, Gid. It wasn't the hat that bothered me," Rossi retorted, keeping his voice low, the nosy ears of their family all around them. "It was the kid's insistence that I wear the damned pointy ears that just about got him shipped off to the Bureau's outpost in Anchorage."

"Yeah, that was a priceless moment," Gideon chuckled, taking a sip of his coffee as he glanced around the room, grinning at the sight of his quasi-grandchildren attempting to press shiny bows onto Ben's less-than-cheerful face. Arching one brow, he turned back to Dave. "You still didn't answer my question. What sent Blondie and the rest of her entourage scurrying out of here?"

"Hell, I don't know," Dave lied, running his hand around the back of his perspiring neck as he looked away, uneasy with playing dumb. It was never something he'd been able to do with any degree of effectiveness unless he was ignorant of a situation. And Gideon knew him well enough to know that.

Narrowing his eyes, Gideon shook his head as he took a half step closer. "You're lying. Try again."

Blinking, Dave glanced at Jason. "Why would you say that?"

"Because I've known you over half my life and you only sweat when you've been conned into doing something you don't wanna do. What gives?" Gideon frowned. "Tell me it isn't more Familia trouble, Rossi," he growled, "Because, I swear to God, I don't know how many more of JJ's bullets you can dodge."

"That only happened ONCE," Dave retorted, flushing. "And there were extenuating circumstances."

"Yeah, you were an ass and JJ took a pot shot at your head. Sadly, she missed," Jason said morosely, rolling his eyes. "But I don't think her aim will be off a second time, Dave," he warned, shaking his head. "Especially if there's another psycho gunning for her family," Jason stated warily.

"My sweat has nothing to do with La Familia," Dave muttered, darting his eyes toward the stairs. How the hell long did it take women to get dressed anyway?

Tugging at his tie, Gideon grimaced. "Good. Jesus, it's hot in here. I don't know why in the hell Emily insisted I cram myself into this monkey suit," he grumbled. "It's not as if the kids care if I'm dressed in jeans or a suit."

"Leave the tie alone, Jase. Trust me," Dave ordered when the other man would have pulled off the offensive neckpiece. "Mama likes us to dress for Christmas dinner," he said blandly, snatching at the first excuse that came to mind.

"Since when?" Gideon asked, perplexed. "I've shared several meals with Mama Rossi and never once was there a dress code," he declared as he shook his head.

"I dunno," Dave said evasively. "It's a new tradition," he growled, his heart lifting as he heard his mother's sainted voice calling, "Davie? May I see you in the kitchen?"

"She must want me to pull the turkey out of the oven or something." Dave grinned, clapping a confused Gideon on the shoulder as he made his escape through the swinging wooden door into the warmly lit kitchen.

"Thanks, Mama," Dave grinned as the door swung shut behind him. "You just saved my bacon in there with Jason."

"Unfortunately, I'm also about to poop your party," Mama Rossi said softly as she shook her head. "David, you can not do this...you cannot marry those two."

Jaw dropping, Dave's eyes widened. "P-pardon me?"

"It is sacrilege. Emily is Catholic and you, my son, are no one's version of a Priest," Mama said decisively, crossing her arms over her chest. "It is a sin."

"Mama, you love Jason and Emily," Dave argued softly, glancing back at the door. "You want to see them happily married, don't you? More little rugrats running around underfoot and all..."

"Of course I do," Mama snorted. "And it is because I love them that I must put an end to this farce. You must find Priest, David. You must find one now, my son."

"Mama," Dave groaned, holding out his arms, "I've already been through this with JJ. There is no priestly hotline for me to call. I'm it. The marriage can be blessed by the Holy Church later."

"And if one of them should pass before that blessing? Would you have your loved one's damned, my son?" Mama questioned sternly. "I love Jason like a son...I not want that fate for either of them."

"Mama, they aren't gonna die," Dave groaned, looking over his shoulder and silently willing his wife to appear and talk some reason into his mother.

"Shush!" Mama spat. "You not tempt the Holy Father by daring him," she growled, smacking his arm. "I'm still not entirely sure I will be seeing you in the Promised Land, boy. And I know I will not if you commit blasphemy this day."

"Mama, I'm officiating...that's it. I'm not claiming to be a holy figure, I swear. In fact, I'm pretty sure everyone present will swear on a stack of Bibles that I'm not."

"David, this needs the Priest's blessing," Mama Rossi insisted adamantly, slamming her hand against the counter.

"Have you shared your outlook on this issue with JJ, Ma?" Dave asked weakly, wincing as he watched his mother's face darken.

"I did." She nodded. "She shares my opinion," Mama declared, lifting her chin imperiously.

"She does?" Dave yelped.

"Yes, she says you must fix this. In," Mama said with a look at the wall clock, "the next fifteen minutes. I would get moving if I was you, my son," she ordered with one last stern look at her son before she disappeared up the back staircase.

Stunned, Dave stared after his mother, her light footsteps climbing the wooden steps.

It seemed Santa had pitted his mother and his wife against each other...and he was about to be mowed down by the reindeer after all.

* * *

_**So, everybody enjoying the ride?**_


	7. Chapter 7

**_Author's Note: Hello! Chit Chat on Author's Corner forum have signups in session through December 31 for our "Resolutions Challenge" for January. Rules and details are also at the forum! Please join us for the challenge that will kickoff the New Year._**

**_Also, we're going strong over on FaceBook. We've got some amazing authors and fun threads. To join the fun, simply friend "Ilovetvalot Fanfiction". There's loads of fun to be had by all. Join us._**

**_A special note to my readers...as Christmas draws nearer, so does my husband's return from the war zone in Afghanistan. This said, posts will be slowing DRAMATICALLY after the holiday. Bear with me. Slower updates are expected to last approximately a month. But, real life and a family reconnection will take precedence. I'm sure you all understand. But, take heart, a happy hubby makes an energetic writer._**

**_And as always, thanks to our readers! Your reviews and alerts make our day and we love hearing from you! We don't own a thing, but we sure wish we did._**

* * *

_**Because I don't say it often enough, nothing would happen in these stories without my wonderful co-author and friend, tonnie2001969. Too often, the author name ilovetvalot is mistaken for just one person. There are two of us. Tonnie2001969 collaborates on every single one of these stories and I can't say ENOUGH wonderful things about this woman!**_

* * *

**A Familia Christmas**

**Chapter Seven**

Digging frantically in his pocket for his ever present cell phone, Dave quickly scrolled down the list of his contacts. There was only one man that could even remotely come close to fixing what was turning out to be the Christmas catastrophe from the lowest pits of hell.

Jabbing at the name on his screen, Dave breathed out a silent prayer as he closed his eyes and waited for an answer. Damn it, he thought to himself as the phone rang on the other end. And rang. And rang. Didn't that man know how to pick up an urgent phone call that could very literally be the difference between life and death?

HIS life and death, that is.

About to disconnect, he paused as he heard a connection finally establish. "'Bout damn time you answered, man," Rossi growled into the phone as he leaned back against the kitchen counter.

"And a very merry Christmas to you, also," Jimmy said drily, the sound of music in the background. "I see that you're choosing to celebrate the birth of our Lord and Savior by being your normal charming self, old friend."

Rolling his eyes, Rossi gripped the phone tighter as he said quickly, "Look, I'll do the Christmas cheer crap later. Right now, I need you to haul ass out to Little Creek and be a yuletide priest."

"Well, as much as I hate to disappoint Mama Rossi and what is obviously her need for a Christmas catechism to save your mortal soul," Jimmy replied, the music fading as he moved into a side room of his sister's home, "I'm in Baltimore and not exactly within driving distance, Davey."

His jaw clenching as he heard the sound of voices from the other room, Dave demanded quickly, "Then I need to know if you can save my ass and perform a wedding via phone. Is that copacetic with the whole holy blessing jive?"

"Pardon me?" the priest choked out, wondering if his long time friend had finally lost what was left of his sanity. "Last I checked, my friend, your union was sanctified and everything. I checked. Twice," Jimmy added meaningfully.

"Very funny, Jimbo." Dave scowled, glaring at the Christmas wreath on the door. "But this isn't the time for that keen wit of yours. I'm in trouble."

"With who?" Jimmy asked with a sigh. "Who have you ticked off now, Dave? Besides your Lord and Savior, I mean," he added with a dry chuckle..

"Again with the jokes," Dave growled, his lips pursing almost comically. "I need a Priest, Jimmy, not a comedian. So, put on your collar and concentrate," he demanded vehemently.

"Okay, Dave," Jimmy said slowly as he heard the undercurrent of fear running through his friend's voice. "Why exactly do you need a man of the cloth? You know it's pretty slim pickings for us on the Holidays."

"I know," Dave groaned. "And you can blame my wife for this! Not me. Evidently, she and the merry band of women currently colluding upstairs decided it would be a marvelous idea for Em and Gideon to get married on Christmas. I'm officially clear to officiate the ceremony, but Mama is raising unholy terror at the thought of the union not having the Church's blessing! So, I think you can see my problem, right?"

"Mama is right," Jimmy maintained bluntly. "If one of them departs for the hereafter before the Church has…"

"Jimmy, focus, man! I know the ramifications," Dave hissed, his fingers tightening on the phone. "I went to Catholic school, too!"

"But you haven't been to seminary, which is why you are not ordained to seal this marriage in the eyes of God," Jimmy returned evenly. "Sorry, man. Can't be done."

"That's where you come in," Dave growled, not willing to let his friend off the hook, literally or figuratively, so easily. "On the phone."

"You mean you wanna be a Priest by proxy?" Jimmy yelped. "Are you serious? You're goin' to hell and trying to drag me along for the ride," he accused.

Closing his eyes as Jimmy continued to rant, Dave shook his head. Well, if he was going to take the express elevator in the southerly direction, he might as well make the journey worth it and make sure he got this job done. "Jimmy, you need to help me find a way to bless this union," Dave urged heavily, swallowing as he prepared to commit the ultimate sin. "Emily looked very…bloated this morning at breakfast," he said, adding a meaningful edge to his tone.

All sputtering abruptly ceased on the other end of the line as Jimmy audibly caught his breath in his throat. "She's NOT," he hissed.

"And she looked really green," Dave added for good measure. "Especially when we passed her the platter of bacon and eggs."

"Noooooo," Jimmy breathed, hanging his head.

"Uh huh." Dave nodded, hearing the weakening is his good friend the Priest's voice. "Are you positive that we can't rig something up, Jimbo?"

"You want to rig Scripture?" Jimmy echoed incredulously.

"Don't you think the Almighty will understand that there were extenuating circumstances?" Dave asked quickly. "I mean, you know both of them. Just because you aren't physically present, that doesn't mean that you aren't here in Spirit, right? And just a long distance phone line away. We'll put you on speaker phone. Everyone will here you saying the Holy Words. It's unconventional, sure," Dave enthused, quickly warming to his topic, "BUT not necessarily against the rules, right?"

"I don't think the Pope has covered this particular issue in any Mass I've ever listened to," Jimmy retorted sarcastically, rubbing his forehead as a migraine suddenly developed.

"You'll be a trailblazer." Dave shrugged. "I can sign the license. That's all they need me for anyway, right?"

Grimacing as he sagged against his sister's kitchen counter, Jimmy shook his head. "How do I let you drag me into your crazy schemes? You'd think after forty years, I'd be better at avoiding your crap…or at least know how to ignore a phone call," he muttered unhappily.

"Now, Jimbo, you wouldn't want there to be any consequences for Emily and Gideon's everlasting soul…and anyone else's that might happen to have a foot in the matter," he added vaguely, praying there were enough Hail Marys that could be said to cover his ass in this particular sin. Confession was gonna be really fun next Sunday, he thought morosely.

"Fine," Jimmy mumbled grumpily. "But I expect an exceptional offering into the coffers next week in light of this generous offering from the Heaven's."

"The priest is blackmailing me?" Dave asked, aghast that his friend would lower himself to such a thing.

"Just a recommendation from on High, my friend. And really a small price to pay, wouldn't you say?" Jimmy asked with a snort. "My cooperation for a new vestibule…or your Mama and your wife's wrath. You decide." Pausing, he added, his tone obviously expressing the grin on his face, "And let me add, it must really suck to be you right now."

Rolling his eyes, Dave grunted, "Check's in the mail, _**Father**_."


	8. Chapter 8

**_Author's Note: Hello! Chit Chat on Author's Corner forum have signups in session through December 31 for our "Resolutions Challenge" for January. Rules and details are also at the forum! Please join us for the challenge that will kickoff the New Year._**

**_Also, we're going strong over on FaceBook. We've got some amazing authors and fun threads. To join the fun, simply friend "Ilovetvalot Fanfiction". There's loads of fun to be had by all. Join us._**

**_A special note to my readers...as Christmas draws nearer, so does my husband's return from the war zone in Afghanistan. This said, posts will be slowing DRAMATICALLY after the holiday. Bear with me. Slower updates are expected to last approximately a month. But, real life and a family reconnection will take precedence. I'm sure you all understand. But, take heart, a happy hubby makes an energetic writer._**

**_And as always, thanks to our readers! Your reviews and alerts make our day and we love hearing from you! We don't own a thing, but we sure wish we did._**

* * *

_**Because I don't say it often enough, nothing would happen in these stories without my wonderful co-author and friend, tonnie2001969. Too often, the author name ilovetvalot is mistaken for just one person. There are two of us. Tonnie2001969 collaborates on every single one of these stories and I can't say ENOUGH wonderful things about this woman!**_

* * *

**A Familia Christmas**

**Chapter Eight**

"…what God has joined together, no man must divide," Jimmy's distant voice commanded as cheers and applause erupted in the formal living room of David and Jennifer Rossi's elegant home. "You may now kiss the bride if you already aren't," the priest laughed as the sounds of happiness echoed in the phone he had pressed against his ear.

"So, that's it, right?" David Rossi yelled at his cell phone above the cheers. "They're legally hitched in the eyes of man and God, right?" he asked hopefully, watching Jason kiss his bride with one eye.

"Absolutely." Jimmy smiled, shaking his head as he stood in his sister's kitchen, a few hundred miles away from the obvious festivities at Little Creek. "And may I be one of the first to offer my congratulations on the blessed news, you two. Another soul to light the world is no small thing," he said reverently. "A new life is something that fills the world with joy and..."

Lurching for the phone on the table, Dave felt a hot flush climbing his neck as Emily gasped and Jason blanched. "Thanks for everything, Jimmy," Dave growled as he slid his fingers across the screen, shutting off the phone. Turning to face the makeshift altar in front of the bay window, he found Emily and Gideon still staring at each other.

"Something you wanna tell me, Kitten?" Gideon asked, raising an eyebrow at his new bride. "Anything at all?" he drawled, his hands sliding up and down her bare arms as she gripped her bouquet in front of her. "Was there an ulterior motive for this impromptu ceremony?"

"N-no!" Emily shook her head, blinking rapidly. "I swear, Jason, I don't know where Father Jimmy would have gotten that idea," she babbled, her mind doing the quick mental math with alacrity. "There's absolutely no way that I'm…that we're…well, not yet, at any rate!"

"Then, why would he…" Jason argued, suddenly halting in his train of thought as he met Emily's eyes. "Dave!" they both said in unison, turning to face their frazzled host.

"Dave?" JJ repeated, her voice confused as she stood beside Emily.

"David," Mama Rossi groaned, her eyes widening as she stared at her first born son. "You didn't, my son!" she gaped, rising from her front row seat on the leather sofa.

Holding his hands in front of him as a mob seemed to form before his eyes, Dave said hastily, "I can explain, folks."

"Famous last words," Ben chuckled to Rudy, settling in happily into his armchair. "Christmas is looking up for me now," he chortled as he watched the rest of the room glare at the head of La Familia.

"Shhhh…I don't think we wanna miss this, Benny," Eddie hissed, leaning forward to listen to the catastrophe unfolding before his very eyes.

"Dave, what did you do?" JJ seethed, one eye narrowing on her guilty looking husband.

"Da-da is is twouble?" Henry asked, tugging on Dave's slacks as he held up his arms to his father.

Reaching down, Dave swooped Henry into his arms. JJ wouldn't shoot him holding one of their kids. "So much trouble," Dave sighed as he pressed a kiss to his son's forehead.

"Put my grandson down, Rossi and face me," Gideon growled. "Using him as a human shield isn't exactly something the Last Don wants to be known for, is it?"

"I have a good explanation," Dave began calmly, shifting Henry to his hip despite Gideon's order. After all, he wasn't a complete idiot. And while he was fairly certain that his wife wouldn't try to shoot him again, he had no problem imagining Prentiss pulling a trigger right now.

"That included telling a priest that I was pregnant," Emily shrieked in a pitch that pulled a wince from every man in the room. "Where's my gun?" she barked at Jason.

"Better than primetime television," Ben exclaimed gleefully, rubbing his hands together as he leaned forward.

"We could have used a woman like her in the Familia all those years ago." Rudy nodded sagely. "I'm betting her kills are clean, clear, and flawless."

"You have no idea," Hotch murmured, his eyes darting from Emily's livid face to Dave and back again.

Glaring at Ben, Dave shook his head. "Emily…Jason, I didn't actually tell Jimmy that you were expecting," he explained evasively.

"Well, what exactly did you tell our man of God, David?" Mama huffed crossly, crossing her arms over her chest as she tapped her foot impatiently against the glossy hardwood floor.

"Yes, Dave, what did you tell our priest?" JJ bit out. Honestly, she asked her husband for one tiny favor and this is what she got! A Christmas catastrophe!

"Now, Bella," Dave groaned, noting his wife's flashing eyes, "Don't look at me like that. You demanded a wedding and Mama demanded a priest. Compromises had to be made. And I didn't exactly tell any actual lies."

"Then what did you tell that left Father Jimmy with the conclusion that my new wife was having a baby?" Jason retorted, his brows drawing together.

"Well," Dave hedged, his eyes darting from person to person, searching for some ally he could rely on. Sadly, he found none; each face was more resolute than the last. "I might have made certain statements that Jimmy could have taken in a context other than what they were meant and inferred something that might or might not have been true."

"Why don't you give us an example of one of those inferences, SuperAgent?" Penelope suggested, her eyes glinting wickedly.

"Is that really necessary?" Dave grimaced, running a hand across his sweating forehead as he felt Emily and JJ's scrutinizing eyes on him. "Really?"

"Yes!" the room exploded in unison.

Damn, but they were a bloodthirsty lot, Dave recognized grimly as he looked around the room.

"Honestly, I'm fascinated here," Emily rapped out. "If you didn't outright tell him I was expecting, what did you say to convince him to marry us?"

"I might have…ahem….mentioned that at breakfast you looked…ergghghhhh," Dave evaded ineffectively, tightening his arms around his son as his wife took a determined step in his direction.

"Speak, Rossi!" JJ ordered. "You've never minced words before now. What did you say?"

"I might have said that Emily looked a little…bloated," Dave muttered as he shrugged. "And I might have indicated that certain smells were giving her a rather green complexion."

"You told him I was getting fat?" Emily gasped, pressing a hand to her flat belly.

Gideon shook his head. "And puking, apparently."

"Classic!" Ben grinned widely, bouncing Marina on his knee as they watched the show, only to let out a loud grunt as Rudy's elbow landed against his kidney.

"Don't gloat," Rudy counseled with a solemn shake of his head. "That man is still the head of our family," he sighed resignedly. "Unless, of course, Sofia decides to put a bullet in his head," he murmured as he nodded to the elderly glowering Italian woman.

"Listen," Dave shouted above the roar of voices. "You," he accused as he pointed a finger at JJ, "told me you wanted a wedding. I made it happen. You," he said, moving the finger to his mother, "told me that it had to be sanctified by the Church. I made that happen, too. You two," he said, pointing wildly between Emily and Jason, "wanted to be married. Congratulations! You are! Mission accomplished!"

JJ began, "But…"

"Davie…" Mama Rossi said, shaking her head from side to side.

"Nuh uh!" Dave yelped. "No way! I found a way to do what even Santa couldn't get accomplished! It's legal," he declared to JJ. "And sanctified," he added with a look toward his mother. "And," he continued, pulling a couple of tickets from the inside of his jacket pocket and shoving them under Jason's nose, "after you return from those sandy beaches in the Bahamas, I'm sure there might be a little Gideon brewing in the belly IF you can still…ahem," he cleared his throat with a look down at his son, "decorate the tree, so to speak," he offered meaningfully.

"Hey!" Gideon growled indignantly. "I know how to trim a tree, Rossi!"

"The Bahamas?" Emily murmured with widened eyes, taking the tickets from her husband's hand.

"Consider it an apology for any deceptions that I might have accidently on purpose left Jimmy with." Dave grinned, for once feeling that he made the right decision in arranging that little trip on a whim. "Call me Christmas crazy, but I was a little desperate."

"Well," Emily sighed. "You did mean well," she added as she smiled, embracing Dave.

"First class," Jason murmured, reading the ticket in Emily's hand. Raising an eyebrow, he asked, "Hotel?"

"A penthouse suite," Dave clarified with a satisfied nod as he let a squirming Henry down, the little boy immediately running back to the toys stacked in the corner. "Overlooks the ocean with a private balcony."

"I guess I can get over it, too," Jason muttered, shaking Dave's hand. "I owe you one."

Rising, Mama Rossi slapped her son on the back of his head. "You and I talk later, my son," she admonished sternly before shoving him aside to hug the new bride.

Releasing a long breath as the room seemed to converge toward Emily and Jason to offer their own congratulations, Dave made his way toward his own wife. "So," he asked, wrapping one arm around her and pulling her against his side, "How pissed off are you?"

Snorting, JJ tilted her head to stare up at her husband. "You never do anything the easy way, do you?" she asked lightly.

"What fun would that be?" Dave grunted as he slid his other arm around her waist. "And for the record, there was no "easy" way in this instance. There was only the desire to keep both my wife and mother happy simultaneously. And in this endeavor, that was no easy feat, babe," he added with a shudder.

"But you did it," JJ whispered, lifting on her toes to press her lips to his.

"I did?" he murmured, a satisfied grin growing on his face as he nipped at his wife's lips.

"You did." JJ smiled softly, twining her arms around her husband's neck. Somehow, in the chaos that had become her life, he was the stability in the midst of the calamity…in spite of his penchant to often cause the commotion himself. "Merry Christmas to all," she breathed.

"And to all, a good night," he said softly, lowering his head to claim her lips.

He had the perfect Christmas gift right here with him…forever.

Buon Natale!

**Finis**

* * *

**Well, that's it. I hope you enjoyed returning to the "In Sickness and In Health" universe. We know we did.**


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